Shadowalk

18th May 2013

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We learn from broken things: That is a hard truth that we must all accept.

Take for instance Reverse Engineering, which, according to wikipedia, “is the process of discovering the technological principles of a device, object or system through analysis of its structure, function and operation. It often involves taking something (e.g., a mechanical device, electronic component, or software program) apart and analyzing its workings in detail to be used in maintenance, or to try to make a new device or program that does the same thing without utilizing any physical part of the original.” Brokeness helps us understand why things work, why things happen, and how things can be better.

Perfection is beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but its beauty is bound by rules. Rules that will eventually be broken because no one can live up to its standards. You spend most of your time admiring its beauty, silently looking, carefully touching, admiring it from each and every standpoint. The desire to reach that level.

The beauty in brokeness comes because we can relate to it. Every rough patch, every jagged scar, every crack on the side, our hands run through each and every inch of our brokeness, we live our brokenness, there are no rules, there is just you, being broken, waiting to be put back together by someone who cares; Someone who sees you as special despite your flaws and imperfections. Then comes the feeling you get when you’ve been put back together, the one that makes you feel invincible, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. It feels so damn good because the faintest sliver of hope you hold and keep is being rewarded with a joy you never thought you could experience again. Feeling free from the slavery of the past and exceeding yourself. After all, we were made to be better than who we are today; That is the strength of the human spirit.

Because in the end, we all have broken strings, and this world would be a lot more lonelier, if we never learned to love broken things.

1st May 2013

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The first in a long time

“Because no matter how you go through it, or what way you look at it, heartbreak is a taxing exercise.”
-Kat George, On being Brave enough to start again

—-

Sometimes our real emotion is behind a smile.

The first time in a long time is always different. Places are never just places, habits are never just habits, songs are never just songs. Everything becomes a memory that has been given form and life. They would come up to you and talk to you to say “Hey, remember me?” and if you’re really unlucky, you’re stuck in the awkward spot of shyly saying “yeah I do” with a silent whisper of “I wish you’d go away.”

Not all memories are welcome to one’s mind and heart.

The first time you find yourself in the same place as before in a long time tells you that you must have made a short detour (or a wrong turn) in life. Kinda like those games where you enter a long winding maze to hit a dead end with a key or a switch that opens that annoyingly locked door at the start of the maze. Its tiring and painful, but going forward in life is never, ever, straightforward.

Moving forward sometimes means we have to go backwards.

The first time in a long time you rest your head at night with the overbearing weight that you are “alone”, so to speak is bad and terrible. In fact, you could say its terribad. Regrets start to pop, graduation goggles lock in your eyes, (The one’s that make you miss everything that ever happened, good or bad. Credits to “How I Met Your Mother.”) and suddenly, nights seem stupidly colder despite the weather being extremely hot. You hold on to your pillow a little bit tighter and you would rather believe that your eyes shed tears because you were sleepy, not sad. You then start to reflect philosophically about life and the optimist and pessimist in you wages war for your soul. Like two wolves battling each other to the death

And like in the native american legend goes; the winner is the wolf you feed.

But the first time in a long time, no matter how bad it seemsis just one in many other times in life where you’ve fallen and needed to pick yourself up. Broken isn’t as bad as it seems, and it is a pre-requiste to be made into something new. We’re all only human after all, and we’re allowed to give ourselves breaks.Eventually, you’ll stand up again. It won’t be too bad

Especially if you have the best friends in the world

—-

I’m smart enough to know that life goes by and it leaves a trail of broken hearts behind

And if you feel like letting go just give me time, I’ll come running to your side.

…After all, we’re only human, always fighting what we’re feeling, hurt instead of healing

After all, we’re only human, is there any other reason why we stay instead of leaving

After all…

- “Human” - Jon McLaughlin

24th May 2012

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Of Love, Firsts and A Giant Snowballs Part 1 of 3: An introduction

First Impressions last. And because of this, we always tread the thin line of being judgmental whenever we have a “First” experience and we fall in that pit when we close our minds to the fact that impressions, our views, can change. Its something that we will have to deal with the rest of our lives along with the irony that, in this world full of second (and third, and fourth and so on..) chances, we have difficulty in giving ourselves or others the second chances we deserve. Either our first impression leaves a good mark and we run away with it towards a land of rainbows and unicorns or we get thrown down to the dirt so bad that anything that remotely resembles that experience (or person), we cast into the deepest darkest recesses of the abyss. Halo vs Horn effect.

Perhaps the reason why it is easier to change our impressions on trivial things like the food we eat or the music we listen to is that when we choose to give them another chance, they usually remain the same. A newly cooked Mcdonald’s French fry today would pretty much taste the same as a newly cooked one tomorrow. We’ve also had that annoying song that sounded so annoying at first that then became catchy to us till we started to like it ourselves. We find that it wasn’t those things that were at fault for our faulty first impressions, but rather, it was our own for judging them too hastily. But when it comes to more serious things like “People” or “Emotions” or better yet, “Love,” we find that it is much, much harder for us to change our thoughts because those things are dynamic and ever changing. They may not be consistent, hard to predict, a random or unknown variable, and we are programmed to be afraid of what we do not know and/or understand.

The thing we have to realize, is that men and women deal with this differently, they become happy differently, they hurt differently, sometimes depending on their gender, sometimes depending on their attitude. Regardless of these differences, the core is still there. Our impressions do influence our actions and our attitudes like a tiny snowball rolling down a hill that eventually becomes an avalanche.

The bad? We usually, as mentioned, lock our minds to the first impression.

The worse? We will generalize. People talk about how we shouldn’t generalize, but we do. Personally, one of my biggest pet peeves is the stereotype are “All men/women are *insert negative*” brought about by their sad and sorry experiences with love and anything else similar to that. (See: http://www.facebook.com/notes/james-dominic-flores/homogenous-why-men-and-women-are-not-better-than-the-other/411319068489) I’m really sorry you had to experience that, really, but it says a lot about how mature you are if you *seriously* think that just because you got hurt.

And the Worst? We learn never to expect, to assume, when there is clearly nothing wrong with that. It is human to expect, especially from someone you love. It is selfish to reprimand someone if your expectations are not met. One has the freedom to expect for as much capacity as they have to be understanding, loving and forgiving if that expectation is not met.  It is not wrong to assume. The world works based on assumptions. It is only wrong if you lock yourself to a wrong assumption. One has the freedom to assume for as much capacity as one can be humble to admit if their assumption is wrong. You will get things right, and you will get things wrong, but the judge of your character is what you do with yourself at any time.

—-

In my next entry, I’m going to write about how I’ve observed and all that I know of or understand about how a woman handles firsts such as her first love (reciprocated or not), her first heartbreak, her first screw-up etc. and on the last of these series, I will write about how a guy handles this. Inspired by how people write at Thought Catalog, I’d probably write the same way.

Nevertheless, it feels good to write again.  So to close, I will share three notes on a list of 12 relationship truths we often forget.

1. We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time.  When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing.  Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their way.  Don’t apologize for it.  Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.
2. You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different.  Nobody else in this world can make you happy.  It’s something you have to do on your own.  And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else.  If you feel that it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within yourself to find out what piece is missing.  Your partner can never ‘complete’ you because you are already whole.  The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are.  
3. Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.